Thursday was my birthday. I am 26 years old. It's a strange feeling realizing that this is my THIRD birthday in China.

I tend to get a bit weird around my birthday, but I must admit that this year was not so bad. I've taken an extended break from drinking, so I didn't go out (really, I just don't have the time, money or inkling anymore), but my roommate treated me to lunch and I broke my diet to enjoy a chocolate ice cream. (Note: chocolate ice cream tastes much much better when you eat after a long period of not eating it. [Note: I am not really on a diet so much as on a health kick. Since cutting out the drink and other vices, I've put myself on a whole foods, low-dairy diet. Given that I have already been a vegetarian for 12 years now(!), this was not so hard, but I try to eat processed foods as little as possible. The results have been tremendous. I cook and clean a lot now--the kitchen has never been in better shape--I've lost some weight and my digestion system has never been so functional and efficient, something of an achievement here in China where most foreigners contend with Mao's revenge on at least a monthly basis.])
I bought this book as a present to myself. It's Hunter S. Thompson's Curse of Lono, illustrated by Ralph Steadman. This book was hard to find before Mr. Thompson decided to spray the walls of his home with his own blood and genius, but since the violent event, the story has been rereleased in giant coffee-table format. I was thrilled to find the book at my local bookstore/coffee shop/free wireless Internet access hangout, so I bought it. Hunter S. Thompson spent some time in Hawaii in the early 80's and the book is a collection of his writing about the place. As the photo to the left attests to, Mr. Thompson spent some time on the Kona Coast (though I can't imagine what he, or anyone for that matter, could have be doing there that would constitute "ass kicking").
Ralph Steadman was an artist I became familiar with in college. Here is his interpretation of the Kona Pier. The fish drawn up is the author, himself.


In other news, things are hectic on the home front. My roommate, whom I refer to as La Poupee (the French for "bimbo"), announced four days ago that she will be leaving Beijing on the 23rd. This left my other roommate and I in a scramble to get someone in here as soon as possible to take her room (of course La Poupee was far too busy with her own affairs, such as washing her hair and arranging farewell meetings, to make any effort to find someone herself-- despite her demand for an instant return on her deposit). Perrine, the roommate staying, with whom I get along well, and I, needless to say have been pissed. But as luck would have it, we found someone yesterday. He's another hapa (his dad's from Hong Kong and his mom is English) and he comes from Liverpool. Amazingly, like another hapa I know, he studied media in school, took up service work upon graduation (he's a cook) and then came to China to be an English teacher. What is most appealing about him, aside from the cook part, is that, unlike most of the people I have been encountering of late (very young, hyper-ambitious, or hyper-slack, recent graduates who have come to Beijing to either "break-into" the Chinese market (they usually return home deflated, having discovered that the road to CEO greatness requires wicked Mandarin skills and a struggle greater than a three-month internship) or to pickle their minds and livers on the cheap while snagging as many Chinese girls as possible (they usually return home after having run out of money), is this guy has had roommates in the past, he supports himself and doesn't seem to have any specific agenda other than "seeing how the other half lives" and getting away from the alarmingly "media saturated" British society (his words).
Other news: I am still working and studying, working and studying and working and studying. It looks like the job with the British Council is not panning out, but a friend of mine just referred me for a job at his place of work, the International School of Beijing. The position is Marketing and Publications Manager, and my friend said, given my background, that I may have a good shot at it. This would mean a full American salary, with benefits. We shall see...

The mayor of London, Ken Livingstone, who apparently is known more for having a sharp tongue than a silver tongue, was recently in China and said this:

"People in the West have the wrong impression of China. They think it is all police and soldiers and control, but in Beijing pedestrians didn't even get out of the way of the VIP cars."

Astute observation Ken. Well said.

If you'd like to read the full article, in which Mayor Livingstone says some pretty outlandish, but also some pretty coherent things about China, follow this link http://observer.guardian.co.uk/politics/story/0,,1754791,00.html?gusrc=rss

---
Also, by the way, I have recently engaged a service offered by the Guardian Unlimited. It's called Newspoint, and what it does is compiles newsfeeds from several sites (you can tailor it to your liking). It's awesome. I can now scan the headlines of the Economist, the New York Times, the Financial Times, the Guardian, the Observer, la Liberation and le Monde all in one place!

If you want to check out out, follow the link below. There's a UK and a US version.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/newspoint

There is a new man in my life. I met him a couple of months ago, and now I spend time with him nearly everyday. He comes from a very good family (in fact, I think his parents are loaded), and while he doesn't talk too much, he demonstrates a quick intelligence.

Ariston is very sensitive, and there are times when he cannot control his emotions. I have learned to have patience with him. I realize that boys from good families like to have their way. But mostly, Ariston and I get along swimmingly. He's a very good looking fellow, and he drools all over for me. I must admit he is shamelessly fascinated with my breasts, which he sometimes demonstrates at the most inappropriate of times, but hey, we've all got our foibles, don't we?

This is Ariston.


You see, he's a senstive boy.

My friend Ming and I went out for dinner at the Tree, an excellent beer and pizza place down on Sanlitun, last week. After dinner we stopped by the DVD shop around the corner because I had been trying to track down a copy of the film about Truman Capote, starring Phillip Seymour Hoffman.

The shop we went to is usually stacked to the ceiling with DVDs. The new stuff is always up front and the older stuff is arranged by genre in the back. Each DVD is 10 RMB, and if you buy 10, you get one for free. The quality at this place is guaranteed, so while 10 RMB is a bit stiff, its location is convenient and customer loyalty is high.

Nothing makes me happier that perusing piles of plastic sleeved DVD cases. My finger flipping technique has been perfected and I can, without any hesitation, ask in Chinese, if a movie has English or French subtitles (yes, my French has improved that much here in China). there's lots of hype in the media about copyright protection and I do know some foreigners who feel guilty about buying bootlegged DVDs, but all I have to say about that is "fuck Hollywood." (They lost their chance with me years ago.)

I can find anything here on the streets of Beijing. Really, anything. I have purchased all of Wong Kar-Wai's films, a Charlie Chaplin collection, a substantial amount of Almodovar's work, Scottish films, French films, classic (I mean 70s) American movies...you name it. Several boys have also informed me that finding "tranny porn" or even animal porn is no challenge, at all.

So, shocked I was to find the shelves of the shop nearly bare. The only things out were Chinese movies, some CDs and some very old American Hollywood flicks. On the shelving above the cash register was a new arrangement: stacks of Mao's little red book, in English and in Chinese.

Ming, who speaks decent Chinese asked what happened to the usual decadent collection. The woman, indirectly, said something about officials in town for a meeting. She wouldn't elaborate, but then said, "Come back in two days." "What officials? What meeting?" Ming persisted. "Come back in two days!" the woman said. That was that, and we left empty-handed.

I read this in the New York Times today: http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/23/business/worldbusiness/23china.html?_r=1&oref=slogin

American congress people are in town. It seems to be a fair conclusion that Beijing tidied up a bit in anticipation, especially, since the Americans are so uppity about intellectual property rights violations here.

PS - I didn't have to wait two days to go back to the store to get Capote. A guy who keeps cart on the sidewalk in front of my gym had it for only 5 RMB the next day.

Just a quickie to let those who care that I am still alive...

I am up to the creases (those would be the ugly kind that old people get on their foreheads when they work, worry and glare too much) in homework for school. (Yes, this post is yet another exercise in avoidance.) I decided not to return to the Korean school this semester, and now I am working freelance (four students, 16 hours per week), and part-time for the British Council as an IELTS (British TOEFL) examiner. (How many pairs of parentheses can I use in one paragraph?)

Also, I got some interesting comments from a reader (I have readers?!) concerning my political stance and I would like to reply. A proper reply would take more time and effort than what I can afford now, however I would like to say: this little girl is a hell of a lot more complicated than just "left" and "right." For sure, I lean to the left. I'm a pacifist, I believe the government is obligated to its people, I believe in the international community, I won't go into a McDonald's except to take advantage of their immaculately maintained toilets (something to think about in China) and I think rich people, by virtue, are suspect.

But at the same time, I really cannot tolerate the American "left" at the moment. Look at it. Listless. Sure, it's easy to blame the "right." But they're just doing what they do best: making money, finding reasons for war, fearing god, looking after the white folk, saving the family...and so on. But let's take a look at the "left." My people. Bunch of slackers. Too busy whining about globalization to pick up an economics book and plot out a system that WILL work (you know what I'm talking about!) And come on. Why haven't we been able to get behind anyone better than a potato-faced piece of cardboard with less charisma than a wet sock? Is that really the best we can do?

Point being, thanks for the comments and sorry for my lack of diversity in presentation (however, recognize this is not a political blog--the topic comes up every now and then, as I like to let it rattle around a bit while I'm avoid more pressing and relevant responsibilities).

P.S. One more thing. I cannot stand hippies.

My buddy Baron at the paper sent this to me. (He's a photographer.) He told me he found it while he was cleaning out his storage space.

This photo ran front page when I was 13. Baron took it and Karin, another buddy, and actually my one-time supervisor while I was a reporter at the paper, wrote the article. Baron said he actually remembered the interview and taking the picture because I was "cute and talking as if the words couldn't come out fast enough."

Some things don't change. Except for the cute part, of course.

From headline to byline...

Maile93back, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

Maile93front, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

Piaoliang Mei Mei

leilani, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

One of my roommates expressed an interest in seeing photos of my family, and to be honest, I don't really have any.

My family's kind of special. Our extended family is almost negligible, as we left for Hawaii when I was quite young, so it's always been just the four of us. I left for college when I was 17, then my folks split, and we've been slightly scattered since.

We're all independent as hell, and this wild one in the photo is the most conventional of all of us.

This is my little sister. She's the tall, beautiful, popular one. (Whereas I'm the short, agressive, "clever" one. [She's smart in her own right, but really, you're better off having me than her on your trivial pursuit team.])

**PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT THIS**

So I log into the New York Times this morning see news about Bush's most-recent budget proposal: $2.77 trillion assigned to security, made possible, in part--perish the thought of raising taxes for the uber-rich--by cuts in education and health care.

It is days like these where I put down in ink my plans for the future that do not involve a return to the country of my birth.

Shortly after I read this article, I came across another one where several members of congress sharply criticized the proposal. Most unfortunately, I cannot relocate that article, otherwise I would quote directly from it. But, for sure, people on the left, as well as the right, were not too keen on the plan.

But here's the thing. We should not be all that surprised by all this. Yes. It's shocking. Yes. It's upsetting. And yes, the fact that people are getting pissed does offer a faint glimmer of hope, BUT we should not be THAT surprised.

**THIS IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT**

In 1997, during Clinton's second term, a group got together and formed the PROJECT FOR THE NEW AMERICAN CENTURY. This is a legitimate non-profit educational group chaired by William Kristol (son of neo-conservative and long-time Republican presidential advisor, Irving Kristol).

The aims of this group are, as quoted on their Web site, to "promote American global leadership." (To give you a better idea of their sentiment, here is a snippet taken from the article mentioned later: "At present the United States faces no global rival. America's grand strategy should aim to preserve and extend this advantageous position as far into the future
as possible.")

The group's Statement of Principles, which can be read at http://www.newamericancentury.org/statementofprinciples.htm describes the importance of America's role in the world's recent history (the victory of the Cold War) and in order to maintain the U.S.'s dominance:

- "we need to increase defense spending significantly if we are to carry out our global responsibilities today and modernize our armed forces for the future;

- we need to strengthen our ties to democratic allies and to challenge regimes hostile to our interests and values;

- we need to promote the cause of political and economic freedom abroad;

- we need to accept responsibility for America's unique role in preserving and extending an international order friendly to our security, our prosperity, and our principles."

The statement concludes:

"Such a Reaganite policy of military strength and moral clarity may not be fashionable today. But it is necessary if the United States is to build on the successes of this past century and to ensure our security and our greatness in the next. "

The Statement of Letters was signed by Elliott Abrams, Gary Bauer, William J. Bennett, Jeb Bush, Dick Cheney, Eliot A. Cohen, Midge Decter, Paula Dobriansky, Steve Forbes, Aaron Friedberg, Francis Fukuyama, Frank Gaffney, Fred C. Ikle, Donald Kagan, Zalmay Khalilzad , I. Lewis Libby, Norman Podhoretz, Dan Quayle, Peter W. Rodman, Stephen P. Rosen, Henry S. Rowen, Donald Rumsfeld, Vin Weber, George Weigel , Paul Wolfowitz

THIS IS NOT A CONSPIRACY THEORY. THIS IS REAL.

I'm hardly an expert in this area, but I'd bet the farm that more than one or two of these people, aside from the obvious ones emboldened, are sitting pretty close to Bush's ears.

So while this preposterous budget proposal is shocking and alarming, it should not be that surprising. What would be surprising is if the country can manage to make it out of this mess unscathed.

If you want to check this out for yourself, log on to http://www.newamericancentury.org.

If you wish to see other things I found on the site, carry on. If not, here's a good breaking point.

Thanks for reading.

-----

Further perusal of the group's site resulted in the discovery of a number of articles, including a 90-page plan for "Rebuilding America's Defenses: Strategy, Forces and Resources for a New American Century." The specific date of this report was not given, as it was in all the other articles; it was simply dated September, 2000. In this epic, these points are clearly made:

The United States must:

ESTABLISH FOUR CORE MISSIONS for U.S. military forces:
- defend the American homeland;
- fight and decisively win multiple, simultaneous major theater wars;
- perform the "constabulary" duties associated with shaping the security environment in critical regions;
- transform U.S. forces to exploit the "revolution in military affairs;"

To carry out these core missions, we need to provide sufficient force and budgetary allocations.

In particular, the United States must:

MAINTAIN NUCLEAR STRATEGIC SUPERIORITY, basing the U.S. nuclear deterrent upon a global, nuclear net assessment that weighs the full range of current and emerging threats, not merely the U.S.-Russia balance.

RESTORE THE PERSONNEL STRENGTH of today's force to roughly the levels anticipated in the "Base Force" outlined by the Bush Administration, an increase in active-duty strength from 1.4 million to 1.6 million.

REPOSITION U.S. FORCES to respond to 21st century strategic realities by shifting
permanently-based forces to Southeast Europe and Southeast Asia, and by changing naval deployment patterns to reflect growing U.S. strategic concerns in East Asia. Rebuilding America's Defenses: Strategy, Forces and Resources for a New Century

MODERNIZE CURRENT U.S. FORCES SELECTIVELY, proceeding with the F-22 program while increasing purchases of lift, electronic support and other aircraft; expanding submarine and surface combatant fleets; purchasing Comanche helicopters and medium-weight ground vehicles for the Army, and the V-22 Osprey "tilt-rotor" aircraft for the Marine Corps.

CANCEL "ROADBLOCK" PROGRAMS such as the Joint Strike Fighter, CVX aircraft carrier, and Crusader howitzer system that would absorb exorbitant amounts of Pentagon funding while providing limited improvements to current capabilities. Savings from these canceled programs should be used to spur the process of military transformation.

DEVELOP AND DEPLOY GLOBAL MISSILE DEFENSES to defend the American homeland and American allies, and to provide a secure basis for U.S. power projection around the world.

CONTROL THE NEW "INTERNATIONAL COMMONS" OF SPACE AND "CYBERSPACE," and pave the way for the creation of a new military service--U.S. Space Forces--with the mission of space control.

EXPLOIT THE "REVOLUTION IN MILITARY AFFAIRS" to insure the long-term superiority of U.S. conventional forces. Establish a two-stage transformation process which
- maximizes the value of current weapons systems through the application of advanced technologies, and,
- produces more profound improvements in military capabilities, encourages competition between single services and joint-service experimentation efforts.

INCREASE DEFENSE SPENDING gradually to a minimum level of 3.5 to 3.8 percent of gross domestic product, adding $15 billion to $20 billion to total defense spending annually.

Fulfilling these requirements is essential if America is to retain its militarily dominant status for the coming decades. Conversely, the failure to meet any of these needs must result in some form of strategic retreat. At current levels of defense spending, the only option is to try ineffectually to "manage" increasingly large risks: paying for today's needs by shortchanging tomorrow's; withdrawing from constabulary missions to retain strength for large-scale wars; "choosing" between presence in Europe or presence in Asia; and so on.

I've cut it again...

haircut, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

The beauty of cutting your own hair is that you can do it anytime, as long as there are scissors and a mirror handy. The bad thing about cutting your own hair is that you begin to get too confident, and then a touch too experimental, and soon you wind up hacking off huge amounts and giving yourself bangs very similar to the ones you had when your mother dictated the kind of hairstyle you should be burdened with.

That being said, I kind of like the new do. It's a bit uneven, but I reckon it should work itself out in a day or two. It will grow back, after all...

Fireworks update:

Although most people have gone back to work (with the very salient exception of the man who fixes water heaters - we have had NO hot water since Saturday!), strings of firecrackers continue to be lit in parking lots, sidewalks and playgrounds. What's amazing is that no one bats an eye at the noise. They just pause their conversations, wait for the noise to finish, and then finish where they left off.

China.

P.S. I have yet to finish my homework. This post is a testament to my urge to avoid the issue.

Speaking of Chinese New Year and fireworks:

China's Lunar fireworks frenzy kills 36

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20060130/wl_asia_afp/afplifestylechinalunar_060130182044

In Chongqing:

"...There were 191 fires caused by fireworks overnight on New Year's Eve ... a record for the city," Xinhua quoted a local fireworks official as saying."

Guo Nian Hao!

fireworks, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

This was the view from the window in the den on Chinese New Year's eve (yes, those are bars and no, they are not there because I live in a crime-ridden neighbor; they are there to protect me from hurting myself should I try to escape in the event a fire, obviously). For the first time in 12 years, Beijingers were allowed to purchase, and subsequently blow up fireworks, to their hearts' content, and they did. (Sorry to disappoint, Mom, but I didn't participate. Laziness propped up by a feeble excuse of minding my asthma kept me inside and just peeking out the window.) But Chinese New Year is hardly a one shot deal. It's a multi-day celebration and skull-splitting, heart-stopping pops and squeals had been heard starting a week before the official day, and have continued up until last night. It would not surprise me to hear it continue through the end of the week. Aside from the blasts and bangs and the cars alarms triggered as a result of, Beijing is eerily quiet. Most of the small shops and restaurants are closed up and the subway station closest to my apartment is ghostly. There are several temple fairs happening throughout the city, but the usual streets and traffic zones have petered out to flow that even most Westerners would be comfortable with.

People go back to work on Thursday. I am looking forward to it.

The pictures below are from my trip to Thailand. I think some of them are truly fantasic, not for their composition, which can be mostly credited to me, but for their content, with which I had nothing to do. But before you scroll down to marvel at their "fantastic content," allow me to climb up onto my soap box, pull out the world's smallest violin and play the world's smallest song called "Why I hated Thailand, In a Nutshell." The pictures alone cannot express and complete experience.

I went to down to Bangkok with my roommate Perrine last week and we came back yesterday. But that was not actually the plan. Not at all. The plan was that she was supposed to come back, as she only had a 10-day vacation, and I was to blow off the return leg of my travelling-as-two reduced-rate ticket and carry on to Cambodia and Vietnam, taking the train back to Beijing from Hanoi. But what really happened was that I got pissed off and disappointed and for the first time in my life, I told myself that I didn't want to travel anymore, and I cashed in my chips and went home early.

I understand that this was a slightly exteme response, but those who know me know that I have a propensity for occasionally doing extreme things like, at the drop of a hat, pulling up stakes and moving to China.

Hm...actually, I will stop here. I just got bored writing my own thoughts, so I can only imagine that others would be even more bored reading them. Nevermind.

Thailand's got some really cool things going for it, but it really sucks because it's like any other heavily touristed place. Scams, rip-offs, dred-locked white kids talking about all the places they have "done" (how the fuck can you "do" a place, anyway? You can "do" things and, in all fairness, you can "do" people, but how can you "do" Angkor Wat?), sparkly bars blasting American hip-hop, aggressive sales people selling trinkets imported from India, getting nickel and dimed at every turn, beggar children, other tourists mucking up the photos...the usual. When tourism is such a part of the infrastructure, as it is in Thailand, travelling is not really travelling, but an exercise in accepting alternate level of reality where nothing is quite genuine, but sort of looks it, and the acceptance is so strong that the image is really all that's left.

We made the mistake of going to the wrong places, the places too easy to be, and we paid. Someone who's travelled and lived abroad as much as I have, especially after having grown up in Hawaii, should have known better.

But even having recognized that, I'm definitely, sincerely turned off. And it's all a bit sad because it seems that it can only get worse. It's a race against the clock before the best beaches of the world all look like the shores of Waikiki, if they haven't gone that way already. Or maybe I'm just disappointed that my romantic notion of travelling and adventuring has suffered a smart smack of reality, so much so that I doubt the sincerity of the feeling in the first place.

In any event, enjoy the photos.

tuk tuk, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

Tuk tuks are motorcycle driven carriages. They're cute and fast, but you've got to have the bargaining skills of a Chinese mother to get anywhere on them at a decent price.

flower girl, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

This little girl came up to us with a card saying she had to raise money for school. Perrine is a soft touch and gave her all the coins in her purse, but we refused the flower and told her to keep the money in her pocket and not to give it to anyone. (The beggar kids in China are pimped out by their parents or even organized crime bosses and touristy areas are carved out into turfs protected for a fee. We assumed it was the same in Bangkok.) The girl was pleased with her wind fall, but came back five minutes later to give us a flower. We saw her again another night, and she recognized us and hit us up for more money, but we were so generous the second time.

petting tigers, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

We visited an animal sanctuary tended to by Buddhist monks. They keep tigers and let tourists come in to pet them. The laziness of these tigers is beyond comprehension, but a woman who worked there, a foreigner, explained that most of the tigers were born in the sanctuary and have always lived a good life; they are well fed, well looked after and none of them had ever killed in the wild. Basically, they're just very big house cats. But it was still pretty scary to walk around them. I sat between two on a rock and the napping one stretched out its legs and flipped his tail, hitting me. The tiger didn't notice I was there, but to be sure, I moved over to give it more space.

perrine and the monk, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

The monk came by and put the tiger's head in Perrine's lap. The tiger didn't seem to mind.

Panyee

panyee, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

We stayed a night at a guest house on this small fishing village. It's a Muslim village off the coast of Phang Nga in southern Thailand. Of all the places we visited, I liked this one the best. It was quiet and peaceful and while tourism is clearly the main source of income, the place wasn't crawling with people and it was very much an active, living village. People kept all their doors open and children ran around everyone. There were old women sitting on porches, mending fishing nets and fishermen could be watched dragging in their catches. The place we stayed was just a very clean room with a wooden floor and two matresses. The windows opened with shutters and no glass and the bathrooms were shared, the toilets being of the self-flushing variety, that is, you had to pour the water in with a ladle.

sunset, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

panyee, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

panyee, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

monkey, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

resting buddha, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

sleeping boy scout, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

elephant, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

Like all good tourists in Thailand, Perrine and I went for an elephant ride. It's was really quite good. Our elephant's name was Fendi and she was 45 years old. She's got a pummelo in her mouth.

hammock, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

trunk, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

elephant head, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

elephant master, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

This man took us on the elephant. It was clear that he had known the elephant for some time and he treated the elephant much like his child.

So. I know. I haven't posted in awhile. BUT I HAVE BEEN BUSY! Really!

I am spending lots of time studying of late. Work. Study. Work. Thinking about studying. Worrying about deadlines. Work. And so on...

Here is something interesting from my studies:

Income distribution is measured using the Gini coefficient. A rate of 0.0 means that income is distributed equally across the population. A rate of 1.0 means that it's distributed exclusively to one group. (That's how it works in a nutshell, anyhow.) So the lower the number, the more evenly income is distributed. Sweden has one of the lowest. In 2000, it was .25. Namibia, in 1993 (the most recent report) came in at .707.

China, 2001 .447
USA, 2000 .408

Long live the American dream...!

We've got a scratcher!

Scratch, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

I know you've got to look hard, but what you see on my wrist is a scratch. A scratch that has broken the skin!

One of my kindergarteners, Robert, wanted something in my hand and when I wouldn't give it to him, he grabbed my wrist and scratched me. I told the Korean teacher she explained to him, in the most patient of tones, that he cannot scratch people. He told him to say "sorry," but he wouldn't. He did manage, after some coaxing, to come up with "Lao shi, dui bu qi," the Chinese for "I'm sorry, Teacher."

Discipline is the foreign teacher's greatest challenge. Different cultures and language barriers, on top of the mysterious ways of children, make knowing what to do foggy, but as anyone who has ever taught, even for a very short time, knows, discipline is essential if you are to get anything done.

In general, for the sake of my sanity, I rule my classes with an iron fist. I have found (through intimate experience) that leniency resulting from the desire to "be a friend" and "make learning fun" is the gaff of a beginner, especially in Confucian Asia, where education is serious business and social lines are quite clear. And I know, that even at my strictest, I am nowhere near the level of fascist at which most Asian (especially Chinese) teachers rule. I have never hit a kid, and I don't think I could (although I understand now why someone would), but some of the Korean teachers I work with keep long sticks on their desks.

My least favorite class is my third and fourth grade "B" class (the classes are graded "A" through "D," "D" being the near equivalent of "gifted and talented" in the States, and "A" being "you are here because you are too young for prison"). As kids, the kids in this class are alright. They're pretty cute and pretty social, but as students, but for a few exceptions, they suck. They play, draw, talk too much, or not at all, sleep and take frequent trips to the toilet and clinic. We actually get very little done in this class, as they are slow to catch on to new ideas (go ahead, blame the teacher) and I spend much of my time telling them to stop throwing, eating, sleeping, drawing, hitting, kicking and talking.

Ron sits in the back of the class. He wears glasses, is always quiet and, except for when I stand directly behind to monitor his activity, he is endlessy drawing pictures of tanks, guns and people shooting each other.

I usually get to class a few minutes early and on Monday, Ron came up to my desk as if tell me something. But, instead of saying anything, he sticks his tongue out at me then walks away with a very slight smirk. I held back the laughter. To be fair, he caught me off guard, and it was pretty funny. I was going to let it slide until Eric, another student, yells across the class "Teacher! He --points to his tongue and then to me-- you?!" The little punk me the butt of the joke (and let's face it, I have a hard enough time preventing myself from making me the butt of many jokes)and because of that, just to maintain some semblance of authority, Ron had to be punished.

The bell rang and I called Ron up to the front of the class. I pointed for him to stand just next to me and he knew exactly why as he instantly got down on his knees (as Asian thing). The whole kow-tow routine makes me a bit uncomfortable, so I told him "Just stand there and don't move until I tell you." And he did. For about 43 seconds. I turned back, "Ron, stand still. Put your hands down. Look forward!" He did. For a bit. And then I corrected him again, and this carried on for about five minutes until he finally gave up and just stood there.

Class continued and Ron stood there. It was my intention to keep him there the duration of the class, or until he started looking genuinely sorry, but when the class got into their readers, the kid started wiggling. "Ron, stand still," I ordered and then, for no reason apparent, Ron started back for his desk. "Ron...!" I started when, after two feeble steps the kid's legs went out from under him. He fell off the step (my desk is on a riser), and went down head first smacking his face, hard, against the corner of another student's desk. He hit the floor with a thud then rolled onto his back, tangling up his feet in the legs of student's desk across the aisle. I dropped the book and ran. "Ron!" I yelled. By this point all of the kids were out of their seats and hovering.

"Teacher! Teacher! You --drags his finger across his neck-- him!" one kid yelled! "He's not dead! I said, allowing the notion to cross my mind, "Go get another teacher!" I told one of the girls.

Ron lay there and but for tears welling up under his glasses, he didn't move. The corner of his right nostril was clearly torn and started bleeding. And then gushing. "Go to the toilet and get paper!" I told another kid. I moved the desk he had his legs caught in out of the way and I put my sweater under his head.

Kids are really tricky. It's hard to know what they're up to sometimes. A stomachache might be a stomachache, but 70 percent of the time, it's scam to get out of class, and teachers bear the burden of having to act on what we perceive to be the truth. Having relatively little experience with kids, I tend to err on the side of caution, but this can often be the wrong thing to do, too, as the kids can and will take advantage of it. So with Ron, I was caught. He was clearly hurt, but the nagging voice of reason was telling me he was camping it up for effect ever so slightly.

Fortunately, two teachers from the next door classes came to my rescue and the kids rattled away recounting the tale in Korean. "Did he hit his head?" they asked. "Really hard!" I explained. I showed them what happened. The Korean teachers fussed over Ron and I ran out for more tissue as his nose was really going. He was up off the floor when I got back and the teachers hauled him off. I apologized profusely, but they didn't seem to think anything was too serious.

Needless to say, class was difficult to resume, but I got the kids back into their chairs and we finished our reading. Class ended without further incident and I went straight to my boss to tell him what happened. Ron was in there in the teacher's room, waiting for his parents, his nose held shut with a giant strip of tape, when I came in. He refused to look at me.

"These things happen," my boss said, much to my amazement and relief, "kids are kids." My Korean co-teacher (we teach the same classes alternately), Wendy, tended to Ron. I explained the whole story to her. Apparently, they all thought he just fell - the part where he was punished for sticking out his tongue at me was neglected somehow. "I see..." she said, which made me feel worse, like I was ratting the kid out.

After school, Ron's parents came. They were an exceptionally well-groomed Korean couple and instead of being pissed and litigious, as I feared (as any American parents would be), they were very polite and grateful for our care. Wendy explained the story and on the way out, much to my astonishment, Ron's mother smacked him upside the back of his head.

I was in the clear.

So from this ordeal, lessons have been learned: Korean parents are reasonable, kids are kids and the next time someone is naughty, I'm sticking them in a chair.

EPILOGUE:

Ron missed class the next day, but came back the day after with huge swathes of gauze taped to the middle of his face. I caught him drawing again, and took away his sketch books, WITH RESISTANCE.

The Scuttlebutt

sanlitunmonkeys, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

I'm back in Beijing and for those of you not in the know, that means I was away.

I finished up the Puma gig in the middle of August, got back to Beijing, found a new place to live (it's awesome, by the way) and got set up with a new job at the Korean International School in Beijing.

Over the October 1 holiday, I went to England to start my masters course at the University of Sheffield, and after England, I went to the South of France to play.

Life is Beijing in good. I work a lot, play a lot, and things have become quite usual.

University of Sheffield

University of Sheffield, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

My new alma mater: the University of Sheffield. Despite it's noble and ancient appearance, the school I went to in Boston for my undergraduate degree is actually older by 25 years.

Sheffield, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

Sheffield from the 5th floor of the Art Tower at the University of Sheffield

Carcassonne

Carcassonne, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

From England, I flew to Carcassonne in the South of France. Carcassonne has an ancient walled city at its center (La Cite). The youth hostel is located within the walls and that's where I stayed.

Collioure

colliourebateaux, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

I stopped in Collioure on what became a two-day mission to see the sea. Collioure is a very cute, rather touristy town on the Cote Vermeille.

collioure, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

Cerbere

Cerbere, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

Cerbere is the last train stop before the Spanish border. I got off just to see what there was to see, and aside from it being quite pretty, there wasn't much. I was there in the middle of the day and all the shops and restaurants were closed. The harbor is very pretty and the beach is a pebble beach.

fenetre, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

Yes, I am reverting back to crap student photographer mode.

oldcar, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

An old car.

Old men in the park...

oldmen, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

They invited me to play with them, but I was shy, and on my way to catch a train. (She must be Japanese, I heard them whisper to each other.)

Perpignan

Perpignan, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

Perpignan is the capital of the Roussillon province. It's Catalan country (Catalogne in French) and everywhere you go, you see pro-Catalan posters and slogans and flags.

These are posters for a protest to demand some kind of governmental recognition for Catalan people.

Perpignan

perpignanmur, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

Those damned A-rabs!

downwith, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

If little old ladies (I was accosted by a few) are any indication as to the average Frenchman's mindset, Arabs are on everyone's shit list.

"Abat les arabe" is something
like "Down with Arabs." An understandably irritated Arab with a pen turned the message's meaning against the French.

Not only in China...

squatter, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

The toilets at the train station in Carcassonne.

It is in fact...

baguetteman, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

...a Frenchman, in a beret, carrying a baguette in his knapsack.

No rest for the wicked.

hello blusters, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

Without further delay, here are photos from this summer's internship with Puma. As mentioned in a previous post, my friend Benny got me the gig and the four of us, me being the only non-German, made our way through Hong Kong, Taiwan, Korea, China and then back to Hong Kong.

Superauditor!

superauditor, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

So being an auditor requires stamina, speed, a cunning wit and a super accurate thumb for hitting the "on" button on the voice recorders. Daniel was in the zone that day.

Benny's got the goods...

DSC00777, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

Oh Hell! (See the following note.)

Was hast du gesagt?!

indignant, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

This photo was one of the first to spawn our Puma Summer Internship "Oh Hell!" Campaign. (It's an obvious pun on the company's "Hello." advertising campaign. The model pictured is clad from head to toe in Puma apparel and footwear and is displaying items key in the retail shop auditing process: hair pomade, USB cables, cigarettes, various foreign currencies of various denominations, digital cameras, voice recorders, Puma item catalogues and an indignant mug.

Just like Mama used to make...

taiwanice, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

Whilst in Taipei, Benny and I cruised one of the night street markets. Stalls and kiosks open up after dark, and the streets are blocked to let pedestrians tend to their consumption. Far and away, my favorite dessert, quite possibly in the world, is Taiwanese shaved ice: nuts, beans and fruits smothered with ice slivers and drizzled with sweet milk. I'd only ever had the concoction in California and without dispute, it's better in the homeland.

Germans!

danielsara, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

Daniel and Sara made up the non-Benny and Maile Puma team. Sara was studying Chinese in Beijing before the trip, and Daniel flew in from Germany. We were all quick to become pals and when I got back to Beijing, Sara let me live with her for two weeks while I sussed out new digs.

A silent 24-hours...

hktrain, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

So instead flying back to Beijing, I took the slightly cheaper 24-hour train option.

This is a soft-sleeper cabin, and for about HK$900, I shared it with an older Chinese man who did not once let sound escape his lips. He did however, spend most of the duration of the ride clipping newspaper articles and pasting them, with notes, into scrapbooks.

Alas I have no photos for this post, but so much has been happening that an update, however literary it might be, is necessay.

I am writing from my hotel room in Korea. I have been in Seoul for six days and I leave for Beijing tomorrow. I am currently working for Puma (yes, like the shoes) as an auditor. My friend Benny, who is also here in Korea, got me the job and we, a team of four, have been touring Asia since the 12th of July.

The job's for a month and what we do is go into retail stores that carry Puma products, take inventory of what they have, poke around a bit to get an idea of the store's atmosphere and environment and then we go to the next place on the list and do it all over again. It's actually a lot of work as we also have to write reports (and I am the only native English speaker), but my teammates are cool and we're having fun. We started in Hong Kong, then we went to Taiwan (where Benny and I audited Hsinchu and Taichung, while the other two did Taipei), and now we are wrapping up Seoul. We do Beijing and Shanghai next week and then we go back to Hong Kong to compile and present our reports for the folks at the home base.

So, I hear you say, what has happened to the slick television job in Beijing? The short answer to that is: Chinese business. The kind that rumors are made of. As it turns out, the company hired me knowing full well that they were in dire financial straits. The money from a huge project we completed was supposed to save the day, and would have according to all accounts, but a newly hired manager ran off with the cash and now the office has been shut down and no one has been paid. As far as I understand, there is no legal recourse to pursue and no one has tracked down the manager since. The big boss, Jack Pan the Man, is apparently not responding to anyone and I have been told that my co-workers are owed up to three months salary. I am owed wages for about a month and a half and I have already decided that spending much time chasing after it would be wasted effort. Life must go on and I have learned in a most direct and intimate way that China really is the Wild Wild East.

In other news, I have been accepted into a graduate program at the University of Sheffield! Studies commence in October and I'll have to go to England for an orientation program. It's a MSc course in Chinese Business and International Relations and I will be completing it through the university's distance learning program, which I think is really cool, as I'll be able to stay in Asia while I work on it. Hee hee! I'm going to grad school!

The last bit of update is a sad one. My beloved Macintosh iBook has shit the bed and is no more. This happened two days ago. I took the sick baby to the local Apple doctor and they diagnosis they gave me was that the repairs necessary for a healthy recovery would cost more than the price of a newer, sleeker and sexier baby. Truth be told, the computer is not so new. I've had it nearly two years and I got it used from my friend Baron who had it for at least year or two before that. But it's still sad. And so fucking typical for this burn and churn society in which we find ourselves. Anyhow, Granny Smith is getting the heave ho and I've already decided to change parties and get a some kind of PC when I get back to Hong Kong. As much as I like the slick Mac design and the idiot friendly OS, in Asia, PC is really the only way to go. It's cheaper, there's plenty of software and plenty of support.

So that's me in a nutshell. Back to work...

Sexy...

stockings, originally uploaded by dadapunk80.

By no means am I a fashionista of any variety, however I know enough to realize that this Chinese affinity for wearing ankle hose with skirts, shorts or really anything shorter that something dragging on the ground, is clearly a fashion faux pas of the highest offense.